Homegurls

That’s my man.

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 14:20:51 -0600

That’s my man.

In my life this means the holidays have officially started.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:35:42 -0600

In my life this means the holidays have officially started.

"Call me when you can. I have a new boyfriend, and I want to tell you about him."

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 17:59:24 -0600

“Call me when you can. I have a new boyfriend, and I want to tell you about him.”

- My Mom

thisiswhyyourefat: Giant Oreo Cookie Cake (via...

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:17:06 -0600

thisiswhyyourefat:

Giant Oreo Cookie Cake

(via thedailywhat)

I would stay fat for this.

Rock The Vote (Again) Some years Election Day carries so much...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:08:25 -0600

Rock The Vote (Again)

Some years Election Day carries so much fanfare it’s possible to feel like a single vote really can make a difference. Other years voting feels as routine as buying a new MTA card. Even though I was underwhelmed by the candidates this year, and a little hesitant to pull the lever for my first Republican ever (Bloomberg), I’m so thankful that I have the right to elect the leaders of this country.

TGIF Thank God It’s Fall. Foliage is nice and all, but...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:46:03 -0600

TGIF

Thank God It’s Fall. Foliage is nice and all, but this season I have a one-track mind and right now I can’t really think about anything besides this Oatmeal Pecan Pie.

Everything I Needed to Know About Food I Learned From a Jar of...

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:03:54 -0500

Everything I Needed to Know About Food I Learned From a Jar of Peanut Butter

One day, not long ago, I stood in my kitchen with all of the ingredients necessary to make a delicious peanut butter and jelly sandwich: Seven-Grain Wheat bread, Smucker’s Grape Jelly, and Creamy Peanut Butter from Whole Foods.

As soon as I dipped my knife into the new jar of PB, I knew something was wrong. Instead of clumping easily onto my knife, the goo that came out of the jar slid off and onto the counter.

Damn Whole Foods, I thought. They overcharge for everything, and then the food isn’t even fresh. With a crinkled nose, I smelled it, expecting it to give off an odor like bad yogurt. It smelled fine, so I tasted it. Fine again.

I’m notoriously cheap when it comes to buying groceries, and have never noticed anything different about generic peanut butter. I checked the ingredients: PEANUTS, SALTS. That seemed right. I checked the label of the just about gone jar of JIF in the fridge: ROASTED PEANUTS AND SUGAR. CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: MOLASSES, FULLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OILS (RAPESEED AND SOYBEAN), MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, SALT.

Oh.

I don’t know what that list of stuff does to my peanut butter to give it the creamy texture pictured above. I doubt it’ll make me have a heart attack or give me cancer. But by accidentally comparing apples to apples, I realized that there really is a difference between natural foods and whatever the other stuff I’ve been eating is. My PB&Js and I will never be the same.

"I wish it was election year every year! I have nothing to talk about."

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:47:19 -0500

“I wish it was election year every year! I have nothing to talk about.”

- -Wombzilla via CG

And nothing to blog about either.

What I Won’t Be for Halloween Last week I had dinner with my...

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:29:00 -0500

What I Won’t Be for Halloween

Last week I had dinner with my brother while he was in NYC. The next stop on his journey was D.C., but I tried absolutely everything to persuade him to make a pit stop at the mental hospital, Bellevue, first. Once again, he refused.

I don’t know what it will take for my brother to consent to psychiatric treatment. Right now he won’t accept that he has schizophrenia, which he considers an evil and bad thing. I imagine that he isn’t alone.

Mental illness is strange, horrifying, and while humor is a necessary weapon, it is not a joke. Please join me and the National Alliance of Mental Illness in boycotting BuyCostumes.com and costumes that mock mental illness and perpetuate the stigma.

"I just defriended everyone [on Facebook] who I went to high school with. I didn’t like them in 1999..."

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:18:00 -0500

“I just defriended everyone [on Facebook] who I went to high school with. I didn’t like them in 1999 and I don’t like them now. I’ve already seen the pictures from the high school reunion and I don’t really care who’s having their fifth child. It’s awesome, I feel great!”

- Wombzilla (via CG)

NY Press: "Tumblring in Love"

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:56:38 -0500

NY Press: "Tumblring in Love":

Love the essay, love the writer.

twentysomethingtales:

I wrote this essay on the wonderful, yet tragic romance I had last year through my Tumblr. Seems only appropriate that I would post the link on this here blog. I’m sure there are many others who have found love on Tumblr - or at least, I hope so.

Mad About Plaid

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 11:40:04 -0500

Mad About Plaid:

Jen is blogging for The Nest about amazing decor trends. Check it out.

Top 10 Sex Scenes We Hope to See This Fall

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:24:49 -0500

Top 10 Sex Scenes We Hope to See This Fall:

And by we, I of course mean Cosmo. But I’m kind of proud of this little story. And it was fun to write.

And then I ate him.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 08:30:45 -0500

And then I ate him.

From our summer intern, how cute!

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 10:05:16 -0500

From our summer intern, how cute!

My birthday is one week from today. I’d like to take a rain...

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:52:49 -0500

My birthday is one week from today.

I’d like to take a rain check.

It has nothing to do with turning 29… that seems like just as good of an age as any. I’m postponing my birthday because the past three weeks have been absolutely dreadful and I’m in no mood to celebrate. And while that sentiment might seem dark and cynical, I really think it’s the optimistic thing to do.

Because I love birthdays. Mine, yours, Abe Lincoln’s. I love big fluffy cakes and birthday balloons, theme parties, and free shots of tequila. I love feeling like it’s a personal holiday that everyone I know— on facebook and in real life— makes an effort to celebrate.

Birthdays are also a reminder that time passes, in the same predictable fashion, no matter what the days bring you. The days of August have been extremely dreary, and September doesn’t look so good, but I know there are better days, a lot of better days, ahead. And on one of them, I will eat cake.

This is the song I can’t get out of my head. It’s...

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 13:09:19 -0500

This is the song I can’t get out of my head. It’s Dylan, naturally.

Visions Of Johanna

Ain’t it just like the night to play tricks when you’re tryin’ to be so quiet?
We sit here stranded, though we’re all doin’ our best to deny it
And Louise holds a handful of rain, temptin’ you to defy it
Lights flicker from the opposite loft
In this room the heat pipes just cough
The country music station plays soft
But there’s nothing, really nothing to turn off
Just Louise and her lover so entwined
And these visions of Johanna that conquer my mind

In the empty lot where the ladies play blindman’s bluff with the key chain
And the all-night girls they whisper of escapades out on the “D” train
We can hear the night watchman click his flashlight
Ask himself if it’s him or them that’s really insane
Louise, she’s all right, she’s just near
She’s delicate and seems like the mirror
But she just makes it all too concise and too clear
That Johanna’s not here
The ghost of ‘lectricity howls in the bones of her face
Where these visions of Johanna have now taken my place

Now, little boy lost, he takes himself so seriously
He brags of his misery, he likes to live dangerously
And when bringing her name up
He speaks of a farewell kiss to me
He’s sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
Muttering small talk at the wall while I’m in the hall
How can I explain?
Oh, it’s so hard to get on
And these visions of Johanna, they kept me up past the dawn

Inside the museums, Infinity goes up on trial
Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while
But Mona Lisa musta had the highway blues
You can tell by the way she smiles
See the primitive wallflower freeze
When the jelly-faced women all sneeze
Hear the one with the mustache say, “Jeeze
I can’t find my knees”
Oh, jewels and binoculars hang from the head of the mule
But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel

The peddler now speaks to the countess who’s pretending to care for him
Sayin’, “Name me someone that’s not a parasite and I’ll go out and say a prayer for him”
But like Louise always says
“Ya can’t look at much, can ya man?”
As she, herself, prepares for him
And Madonna, she still has not showed
We see this empty cage now corrode
Where her cape of the stage once had flowed
The fiddler, he now steps to the road
He writes ev’rything’s been returned which was owed
On the back of the fish truck that loads
While my conscience explodes
The harmonicas play the skeleton keys and the rain
And these visions of Johanna are now all that remain

TJ has been found

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 11:57:38 -0500

Just wanted all three Homegurls readers to know that TJ has was found by the police in Maryland and is now in the hospital. Phew.

Well this is pretty much my worst nightmare. And it might start...

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 16:58:25 -0500

Well this is pretty much my worst nightmare. And it might start to be a regular thing, because apparently walking out of your home and not returning for days, weeks, and even longer is a pretty common habit of people with Paranoid Schizophrenia. Maybe my brother is fine, but it will take me awhile before I can learn to deal with this total hell of not knowing.

Thanks Sunny for making the flier.

My trip to the Wellspring House seems like the perfect time to...

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 13:34:00 -0500

My trip to the Wellspring House seems like the perfect time to try some of Mark Bittman’s 101 Simple Salads for the Season. Especially the “Strawberries, Tomatoes, Parmesan” one on the bottom left. Yum.