Homegurls

(I wrote this for a zine you probably haven’t seen, but summer is almost over, so read up.)

Children tote colorful plastic pail and shovel sets to the beach as if it were some kind of playground. But, like many wonders of childhood, such as bike-riding and swimming, building a sandcastle has become a serious endeavor. No castle is too big or too elaborate for today’s sand construction market.

Here’s a primer for those who were too busy murdering jellyfish to learn the basics of building a sandcastle. Find the sweet spot, a space where the dry sand meets wet, a safe distance from tide. Flatten the sand to make the base of the castle. Think big. Using the sand from a neighboring plot, dump several piles of sand on top of the base. This is no time to be conservative. The piles should be bigger than the finished castle. The sand should be moist enough to stick together, so add sand or sea to get the right texture. At this point a novice sandcastle builder would hastily sculpt from the piles, and call it day. Ha. Instead, first send the least crafty of the crew in search for the following tools:

A set of cutlery. Plastic is OK.
Use the butter knife to smooth walls and carve windows, bricks and graffiti. The spoon will come in handy to create round edges and arched doorways. Save the fork for slaying dragons.

Flour
Mix with the sand to lighten the color or sprinkle over finished palace for a snowy winter scene.

Nature’s gifts: Seaweed, Shells and Rocks
Biodegradable, plentiful, and (usually) green, seaweed can be used for landscaping the castle courtyard or building a trellis. Rocks are essential for security purposes (think moat and drawbridge) and shells add the necessary regional flavor.

Action figures
Ideally some sort of prince or a superhero, maybe a headless Barbie, but even Jesus the Action Figure could reign over the kingdom of sand.

Decorative toothpicks
Historically used to stake a claim on the castle, like when MTV landed on the moon, tooth picks with shiny plastic paper, swords or even tiny umbrellas will let the children know to back off, this castle is taken.

Food coloring and paper cups
Don’t settle sand-colored sand. Brighten the sand or just paint it black with food coloring. To pull it off, fill paper cups (about half-full) with sand, add enough water to completely cover the sand, then mix in the food coloring. Let it set for about 15 minutes, pour out the water (and not into the sea) and add color to Camelot.

Take a picture and be proud. Just like in the housing market, the value of the sandcastles is diminishing.

— Ashley