How to F Up a Pie I have made this pie a dozen times. It has always gone well. It’s a recipe I know by heart and I’ve applied creativity (mini pies!) and frugality (generic ice-cream!) with panache. The pie pictured above was a total disaster.  This is my grandmother Oma’s recipe, Mississippi Mud Pie  1 graham cracker crust 1 gallon of Blue Bell coffee ice-cream 1 container of Cool Whip Hershey’s chocolate syrup ½ cup chopped pecans 1)    Melt ice-cream and pour into pie crust 2)    Freeze overnight 3)    Add layer of chocolate syrup and most of the pecans 4)    Top with Cool Whip 5)    Freeze for a few hours 6)    Sprinkle remaining pecans “It sounds impossible to mess up,” Claire said. Here’s how I managed it: 1)    I opted for a chocolate crust (creativity again!) but could not find pecans at my neighborhood grocery store. Walnuts or almonds would not do. Besides, what if someone had a nut allergy? Better to be safe (and frugal!) than sorry. 2)    I did not buy enough ice cream. Blue Bell doesn’t exist on the East Coast and Haagen Dazs is expensive. I had almost enough though. 3)    I waited until the morning of the BBQ to make the pie. A little risky, I admit, but I think I pulled it off before. Soon after I poured the ice-cream into the crust, I discovered that there was a hole at the bottom. I made a mental note to cut with caution, and popped the pie into the freezer. 4)    Five hours later I added the chocolate syrup, but it sunk into the ice cream like a  soup. 5)    I topped with Sugar Free Cool Whip. It went everywhere, spreading across the chocolate and ice cream soup like melted butter. 6)    I went back to the grocery store for two containers of Real Cool Whip. 7)    I spooned off the artificial, good-for-nothing, toxic fluff. 8)    I threw that crap in the garbage. 9)    I very carefully (this is Haagen Dazs!) scooped out the chocolate and ice cream soup and into a glass pie dish. 10) I topped with as much Cool Whip as needed to undo the damage. A lot. 11) I froze the pie. 12) I crumbled the crust and saved for a topping. It looked like taco meat.  13) Two hours later I walked the pie across the neighborhood and hastily shoved it into Steph’s freezer, hoping that the sun would set before dessert should be served. Next time you want to F up a pie, feel free to follow my recipe. My friends lied said it tasted great, but I prefer it the old-fashioned way. — Ashley

How to F Up a Pie

I have made this pie a dozen times. It has always gone well. It’s a recipe I know by heart and I’ve applied creativity (mini pies!) and frugality (generic ice-cream!) with panache.

The pie pictured above was a total disaster. 

This is my grandmother Oma’s recipe, Mississippi Mud Pie 

  • 1 graham cracker crust
  • 1 gallon of Blue Bell coffee ice-cream
  • 1 container of Cool Whip
  • Hershey’s chocolate syrup
  • ½ cup chopped pecans

1)    Melt ice-cream and pour into pie crust

2)    Freeze overnight

3)    Add layer of chocolate syrup and most of the pecans

4)    Top with Cool Whip

5)    Freeze for a few hours

6)    Sprinkle remaining pecans

“It sounds impossible to mess up,” Claire said. Here’s how I managed it:

1)    I opted for a chocolate crust (creativity again!) but could not find pecans at my neighborhood grocery store. Walnuts or almonds would not do. Besides, what if someone had a nut allergy? Better to be safe (and frugal!) than sorry.

2)    I did not buy enough ice cream. Blue Bell doesn’t exist on the East Coast and Haagen Dazs is expensive. I had almost enough though.

3)    I waited until the morning of the BBQ to make the pie. A little risky, I admit, but I think I pulled it off before. Soon after I poured the ice-cream into the crust, I discovered that there was a hole at the bottom. I made a mental note to cut with caution, and popped the pie into the freezer.

4)    Five hours later I added the chocolate syrup, but it sunk into the ice cream like a  soup.

5)    I topped with Sugar Free Cool Whip. It went everywhere, spreading across the chocolate and ice cream soup like melted butter.

6)    I went back to the grocery store for two containers of Real Cool Whip.

7)    I spooned off the artificial, good-for-nothing, toxic fluff.

8)    I threw that crap in the garbage.

9)    I very carefully (this is Haagen Dazs!) scooped out the chocolate and ice cream soup and into a glass pie dish.

10) I topped with as much Cool Whip as needed to undo the damage. A lot.

11) I froze the pie.

12) I crumbled the crust and saved for a topping. It looked like taco meat. 

13) Two hours later I walked the pie across the neighborhood and hastily shoved it into Steph’s freezer, hoping that the sun would set before dessert should be served.

Next time you want to F up a pie, feel free to follow my recipe. My friends lied said it tasted great, but I prefer it the old-fashioned way.

— Ashley